Piano

My piano moved from me 2 weeks ago. I thought I would miss playing it. But I don't. Maybe now. I know that I will buy a grand piano when I will leave alone and have my flat or house. It's my dream, actually - to have white grand piano! A great part of my life left me with that piano. I still love piano music. And I will never forget my soviet piano "Accord" =)

Hundred push ups and two hundred sit ups

Hundred push ups program, I've been doing it for 2 weeks. I couldn't pass the test for beginning of week 3. But now I have the advanced level of week 2 which I can hardly manage.
Two hundred sit ups, 2 weeks of participation. I moved to week 3 after I did 60 sit ups =)

I must complete these programs! Wish me a good luck!

Living for nothing. Does anyone knows what to live for? Stupid life, no reasons to live, no aim, no purpose. I hate life. I want to lose heart. Really. It's really difficult to be a disappointment to other people.

Music: John Frusciante – Dying song

Now I can say that my life have changed irreversibly. The guy, who I thought is my life, my future, doesn't want to see or hear me anymore. I still can't accept it. "It can't be true!" - I think. It's like a death - you can't accept and believe in it in the beginning. But I know people can overcome anything. I will accept the fact that I lost that man forever. It will be in the future. But it will be. It must be. The feelings will not disappear, they will fade away. The pain, anger will fade away. The only thing I can do is to wait. And I will wait.

Music: Massive Attack - Paradise Circus

And burn, you will burn,
You will burn in hell, yeah you’ll burn in hell.
You’ll burn in hell, yeah you’ll burn in hell for your sins.

There will be no tomorrow. There was no yesterday. There is only now. And there is no you in it. There is no reason to live. There is a fear to die. Fuck the world!

Fear and freedom

I have been going in for aikido trainings for 1 year and a half. I overcame some fears that I had. I started to do a lot of things i was afraid of. I started to be proud of myself. I started to feel free to do some brave (for me!) stuff :) But then I missed a lot of trainings because of my work, because of my laziness. Last time I was on a training I realized that my fears are growing inside me. Now I am afraid of some things that I used to do earlier. It's a shame. The only reason of my fears is my mind. When I just stop thinking and start doing - I can do a lot of things. Just stop thinking how difficult the movement would be and how painful it would be to fall.
Relax, just do what you need to do, don't think too much! You can do whatever you want. You need to be strong, you can do more!