Прости

I started my 4th week of push ups and sit ups programs yesterday. So after 3 weeks I can do 18 push ups, 75 sit ups at once =) Not bad, I think. And I see that my shoulders became stronger and more relief. And I started 150 squats program too.

St Valentine's Day

Yeah, finally I have some time to share how that awful day was spent =)

Now my emotional condition is not very good. I am very nerved and depressed. I argue a lot and after some moment I feel ashamed. But what did I wanted to say?.. Yes! I try to transform my negative emotions to something positive - to creativity. As a result, I create something and, at the same time, I spend some time without worrying :)
So this year I decided to make square paper heart and present them on St Valentine's Day. I bought whatman (thick paper), glue, gouache, brushes, glass beads and sequins. The funny feature of my hearts is that they have square form. I presented two hearts to my colleagues (one heart is for 4 people and another heart is for a nice girl from my work) and one heart for my friend Kiselka. Kiselka seemed to not notice that present at all =) So here are my hearts.

This picture was taken by me. So you can see not vertical window frame =)

You can see my company name on the wall =) DataArt - I love you!

Yes, and about the day. I received some valentines! They all were sent by girls (as it seems). But one was sent by my colleagues (3 boys and one girl) whom I made a big heart for.

Piano

My piano moved from me 2 weeks ago. I thought I would miss playing it. But I don't. Maybe now. I know that I will buy a grand piano when I will leave alone and have my flat or house. It's my dream, actually - to have white grand piano! A great part of my life left me with that piano. I still love piano music. And I will never forget my soviet piano "Accord" =)

Hundred push ups and two hundred sit ups

Hundred push ups program, I've been doing it for 2 weeks. I couldn't pass the test for beginning of week 3. But now I have the advanced level of week 2 which I can hardly manage.
Two hundred sit ups, 2 weeks of participation. I moved to week 3 after I did 60 sit ups =)

I must complete these programs! Wish me a good luck!

Living for nothing. Does anyone knows what to live for? Stupid life, no reasons to live, no aim, no purpose. I hate life. I want to lose heart. Really. It's really difficult to be a disappointment to other people.

Music: John Frusciante – Dying song

Now I can say that my life have changed irreversibly. The guy, who I thought is my life, my future, doesn't want to see or hear me anymore. I still can't accept it. "It can't be true!" - I think. It's like a death - you can't accept and believe in it in the beginning. But I know people can overcome anything. I will accept the fact that I lost that man forever. It will be in the future. But it will be. It must be. The feelings will not disappear, they will fade away. The pain, anger will fade away. The only thing I can do is to wait. And I will wait.

Music: Massive Attack - Paradise Circus

And burn, you will burn,
You will burn in hell, yeah you’ll burn in hell.
You’ll burn in hell, yeah you’ll burn in hell for your sins.

There will be no tomorrow. There was no yesterday. There is only now. And there is no you in it. There is no reason to live. There is a fear to die. Fuck the world!